I've been preparing our our Fierce Love workshop (see information and link for registration below) and one of the key areas of focus is how to be your own advocate. As a sufferer of Postpartum Anxiety, I know first hand that it can be hard to trust yourself enough to advocate for yourself as a mother. So, I tried to think back to a time when I really felt confident in my decisions as a mother and successfully advocated for myself and funnily enough, it was the very day I became a mother in the first place!
My little girl arrived 3.5 weeks before her due date. It was a pretty normal Saturday evening - I had spent the morning volunteering for a local event but mostly just sitting at a booth under a tent while it rained all day - I thought I might go to bed a bit early but could not get comfortable so stayed up and watched TV. Around 11:00 p.m my husband asked if I was ever coming to bed and I told him I didn't think I could lay down. To this day, I still don't know if I could tell you what early contractions feel like but I was just SO uncomfortable! My poor little dog started to look nervous as I paced around the house so around 1:00 a.m. I finally decided to call my doctor and ask if I should go to the hospital - they said yes, obviously. We pretty much ran out of the house, no hospital bag packed but we did grab the affirmation banner I made in birth class #priorities.
Throughout my pregnancy, I went to an OB group - saw a different doctor pretty much every appointment and knew I was stuck with whoever happened to be on call when I went in to labor but I still wasn't prepared for how that would impact my birth experience.The doctor on call that night was not on board with my plan for a natural birth AT ALL. She waited until my husband was getting the few things we actually did bring from the car to grill me about my birth plan and tell me medical interventions were the "reason you come to a hospital." If you know me, you know I don't like to be told what to do, so unfortunately for her that made me even more adamant. For some strange reason, I felt totally confident about my body's ability to have my baby without medical assistance (I've never felt totally confident about anything in my life and I honestly can't believe I felt this way under the circumstances). Finally, I actually got admitted (I was 3 cm dilated), the doctor went away and I got set up with my awesome team of nurses #nursesarethebest.
During the rest of early labor, my husband and I walked lap upon lap around the maternity ward, pausing with each contraction. When it seemed like they started to get more intense, we went back to the room because I thought I might want to get in the bathtub. I was wrong, the bath was the exact opposite of relaxing. I got out and my water broke about 10 seconds later.
Honestly, the rest is kind of a blur. I had terrible back labor so my husband rubbed my lower back probably until his arms felt like they were going to fall off. Only one time, during transition, did I tell him I didn't think I could do it but he told me I could (and deep down I knew it too even though in that moment I was seriously questioning my wisdom in skipping the epidural). I got a little ego boost when they brought in a young nurse who apparently had never seen a natural birth before and said it was "so cool." After that, I was definitely ready for the next phase but after transition it felt like everything just stopped; the contractions were pretty much gone and I really didn't even have the urge to push - I won't lie, at that point I was a little scared! It still was uncomfortable for me to lay flat on my back so I refused to, much to my doctor's annoyance (at this point she is really unhappy with me). She told me after every contraction that I had to lie down and I just ignored her. I ended up pushing my daughter out faster than I would have wanted to just to end the conflict (not recommended) but the next thing I knew, my perfect baby was on my chest and nothing else mattered in the whole world.
Now, I do not and have never had anything against medicated births (or other necessary interventions) all births are amazing no matter how you do it! - but the pride I felt knowing that I accomplished the birth I wanted was the best feeling. It gave me a confidence that I don't think I would have had otherwise - which turned out to be a very grounding thing in the hard months to come.
When was a time you felt really confident as a mother? How can you use that experience to ground you and help you feel more confident in other areas? Don't be afraid to advocate for yourselves, mamas, you are the only one that knows YOUR body, YOUR littles, YOUR family.
-Michelle
Upcoming Events
Meetup for Moms -Self Care
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again...and again... Due to continued bad weather, we are not rescheduling our January and February meetings but will be having our self-care event in March! Free chair massages, essential oils, food and childcare will be provided. Date and time TBD. Watch our Event page our our Facebook page for more details.
"Fierce Love" Workshop
Registration is now open for our online workshop! Weekly discussions with other moms just like you will take place via a private Facebook group. We'll be using the MOPS "Fierce Love" curriculum as a base for our discussions. This curriculum is "for any mom who has experienced anything from baby blues to postpartum depression, anxiety, scary thoughts, bipolar or panic disorder, and everything in between. It offers a unique mix of practical tools and soul care." Find more information about the curriculum here. Please register here if you are interested so that we can order the appropriate number of workbooks. We look forward to sharing with you!
